Being a Good Husband
Published to: 000114, 000115, 000116, 000117, A Small Town Lawyer's Perspective, Perspectives of a Small Town Lawyer, West Virginia Lawyer - Tips and Techniques
on June 21, 2010 9:04 pm
My friends may chuckle over this title, given the number of times they have asked Nancy, in good fun, how she has put up with me these 41 years!
(Note; let them chuckle. We just celebrated our 43rd wedding anniversary with a wonderful getaway trip. I struggle, sometimes in vain, to follow my own advice, but will keep trying. 2-26-2012 J.B.H.)
Truth is, someone like me, average looks (I’m being generous here), pushy and opinionated, with a lot of “hobbies” (obsessions), has to think hard on this subject. So here goes.
1. A good husband is a good friend. So, treat your wife with affection and respect; always as a equal. AND WATCH THOSE “PUTDOWNS”!
2. Never try to assert your stronger will over hers.
3. Never cause her to feel insecure, over money, your love for her, her relationship with her family, her friends, or HER SAFETY! You will be damned if you do. This is the cancer of marriage.
4. If you married someone you suspect you didn’t deserve, deal with it. I feel that way every day, so I try to show my appreciation. Show that, NOT your insecurity!
5. If you married someone with a major character flaw, dishonesty, promiscuity, selfishness, not sure what to tell you. I hope, at least, the sex is great. This advice is for people who have a “good one” and don’t want her to get away.
6. Share, share, share, the t.v. remote, the family income, the covers, and your love.
7. Stay very clean; shower daily, and attend “to things”. That has its benefits.
8. Pick up after yourself. If you are a “Mr. Mom” who agreed to share half of the work at home, do your part and don’t whine. I get some dispensation from the “house part” in light of my hours devoted to my profession and my skills. And, Nancy is pretty traditional and simply does the things she thinks need to be done.
9.If you can save your marriage by changing yourself, and she, and they, are worth it, change!
10. If things go wrong and you know it was mostly your fault, pay the piper! If you are better off with education or employment, give her a helping hand. If she is cooperative with your rights to the children, pay that child support without griping. Don’t substitute what you think the law should be. Consult a good lawyer and do what the law says. It is a fair law.
11. The day Nancy told me she had fallen for my was, BY FAR, the happiest day of my life. It was the result of lots of “hard work and patience”. My appreciation was boundless, and is stronger today, now that I see what it has brought me, than back then. Although, I had a strong sense of what being married to Nancy Goodfellow would be like. It has been even better.
13. Don’t drink too much!
14. Take care of yourself; stay fit, trim as possible, and as healthy as possible. Of course, that isn’t always possible, so see # 16 below!
15. It helps to have some “secret weapons”. One of mine is that I don’t worry much. Worry forges me into action, not despair. I focus on the challenge until I have dealt with it. And, I have lots of interests and feel passionate about the things in my life. These things give me energy. Keeping a good wife takes work. Whatever talents you have, use them!
16. As my father in law, Bob Goodfellow, told me, about his own marriage, “Do whatever she says.”
17.Whoops; almost forgot, pick a good woman, with character, looks of course, passion, and a sense of humor compatible with yours.
This post was written by Burton Hunter